Friends with benefits - we’ve all heard about it before and, some of us might even have fantasized about it before. The truth is that, in today’s media-driven world, there aren’t many romantic movies and series out there that don’t include a pair of friends who become more than friends. In fact, the idea of having a ‘’friend with benefits’’ already is as old as time itself. That being said, movies and series do, naturally, give us a dramatized view of such a relationship. This leaves us to wonder: can these type of sexual relationships between two friends actually work out in reality?
Below, Luvkis has listed down the ins and outs about having a friend with benefits along with some tips to make your relationship last as long as possible.
Define what type of friendship and benefits you’re looking for
The first and by far most important thing to do is to define what kind of friendship the two of you are looking for and what kind of benefits this friendship brings along for both of you. A true romantic relationship us easy to establish, even with somebody you’re no friend with. Yet still, there is a reason why both of you are attracted to one another sexually but are not looking to engage in a serious romantic relationship. There is nothing wrong with this, but just make sure to communicate clearly with one another so you both know what you expect from each other and this relationship.
It’s a well-known fact that any type of relationship benefits from good communication and being friends with benefits is no exception. The truth is, however, that many people who engage in a casual sexual relationship with another often do not communicate clearly enough about their goals and expectations, which may lead to some complicated situations in the future.
If you want to be good friends with benefits, it’s important that you set your expectations, both for being a good friend AND the benefits you wish to achieve. To do so, keep the following checklist in mind before committing yourself to a beneficial relationship with a friend:
- Have you and your friend both have recent STI checks?
- How much do you share about each other’s dating and private life?
- Will your relationship be secret or can others know?
- Is cuddling and holding hands okay (in public/private)?
- Do you also engage in non-sexual activities, or is your relationship only about sex?
- Will this be a short-term or long-term relationship?
The 6 issues addressed above are just some examples of things you really want to talk about before committing yourself to become friends with benefits. After all, you can’t just assume that the two of you have the same idea and understanding of what this arrangement will look like unless you openly talk about it.
What about changes in private situations?
Besides talking about your expectations, it’s also very important that you discuss beforehand how you will deal with changes in the private situation? For example, what will happen if one of you finds another person who becomes a serious partner? Will the two of you keep on hanging out as friends, or will you stop seeing each other? Situations like these make it a smart idea not to mix social groups too tightly with your bed partner as, when things come to an end, it may affect not only your relationship with each other but also with your friend group if you’re hanging out with the same people. As of such, it may be a smart idea not to become too emotionally attached to your friend with benefits. It is, however, important that you address this possible situation before engaging in any sexual acts together because, once this situation does occur, it may not be that easy to talk about it.
Now that you have a plan...
Now that you have discussed everything with your partner, you’re ready to become friends with benefits. It is, however, important to know that not a single plan is foolproof and that difficulties may always occur. As of such, you have to understand that, sometimes, things simply don’t work out.
Naturally, we’re not trying to say that every friend with benefits relationship is guaranteed to fail. But then again, not a single type of relationship is guaranteed to work out. It’s natural for people to lose interest or to become interested in another person. When you are friends with benefits, there is the other issue of one of the partners becoming too attached. There always are small issues that may play a role in breaking the two of you apart. Whereas for some this happens with barely a ripple, for others it results in a dramatic situation with far-reaching consequences. There is no way to say how it will end before even starting. We do, however, have one last tip: make sure to look at how your partner has been in previous relationships. If he/she has been social and great at communication, things are likely going to go well for the two of you. If, however, he/she has a tendency for drama, it’s better to think twice before sharing the bed with this person.
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